How Do I Find Out Who I Am as a Person? 21 Ways To Know Yourself

Who am I really? And how do I find out who I am as a person? These are age-old questions that humans have grappled with across millennia.

Yet in our busy modern lives filled with constant stimulation and pressure to put on different hats, it can feel especially difficult to pin down our core identity. 

This article walks through reflective exercises and lifestyle tweaks to help peel back the layers, reconnecting you with your authentic self.

Trust and approach the process with patience and don’t take yourself too seriously. Growth happens slowly, then all at once. By regularly checking in through these tips, self-understanding will blossom even if the process feels awkward at first.

Lean into it bravely anyway. The destination is completely worth it.

How to Find Out Who You Are as a Person

Discovering who you are as a person involves a deep exploration of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The following points will guide you through this process of self-awareness.

Here are 21 ways how to find out who you are as a person to better align with your authentic self.

Reflect on Your Core Values and What Truly Matters

Your values serve as an internal compass, guiding you toward what really matters. Start by listing out value words such as creativity, integrity, growth, and community. Reflect on times when you felt most alive and passionate. 

Which values were being fulfilled? Do certain relationships, activities, or environments enable you to live these values? 

Determining a few core values provides a north star for major life decisions. Revisit this list monthly, revising as needed. Discover where you compromise values for superficial wants. Then, make small changes to realign actions with your true priorities.

• List the top five things you believe in strongly.
• Think about times when you’ve made decisions based on your values.
• Identify situations where you felt conflicted and why.
• Ask yourself what principles you are unwilling to compromise.

Identify Activities That Make You Feel Alive

Take inventory of when you feel energized and enthusiastic. Which conversations, tasks, hobbies, or environments boost your mood and vitality? These are clues pointing you toward inherent talents and passions.

For example, if public speaking enlivens you, consider roles involving communication or leadership. Or if you lose track of time while painting, explore visual arts opportunities.

Noticing when you’re in flow reveals much about your innate wiring. Seek out more of these activities, while limiting draining ones. Create space for experimentation if unsure of what sparks you. With attention, patterns emerge illuminating the landscapes of your soul.

• Note when you feel most energized during the day.
• Track activities you lose time doing because you’re so absorbed.
• List hobbies or tasks you genuinely enjoy, even if they’re challenging.
• Reflect on moments when you felt truly fulfilled.

Acknowledge Your Strengths and Talents

Owning your innate strengths is key to operating from your true self. Yet this can be challenging if you’re uncomfortable receiving praise or programmed for self-criticism.

Make a list of positive feedback you’ve received over the years – from family, friends, teachers, or supervisors. Include any skills or traits you take for granted. You might identify patterns around emotional intelligence, creativity, perseverance, or communication abilities. Verify these perceived strengths by asking 3 people who know you well to list your standout qualities.

Finally, notice the activities where you excel and achieve a flow state. By compiling input, embracing your gifts becomes easier. Refer back when doubting your talents to reclaim your confidence.

• Write down skills that come naturally to you.
• Recall compliments you’ve received about your abilities.
• Consider what tasks you perform better than others.
• Identify activities where you consistently excel.

Evaluate How You Handle Challenges and Stress

Pay close attention to your stress response for insight into your coping mechanisms, fears, and growth areas.

Do tense situations make you want to fight, flee, or freeze? Does your inner critic grow fierce? Do people find you more irritable or withdrawn?

Improving self-awareness around less effective reactions can lead to better regulation next time.

Additionally, reflect on the challenges where you showed resilience or tapped inner wisdom. Perhaps creativity arises when solving complex problems or compassion when supporting struggling friends.

Consider times when relief came through community or activities like art, prayer, or nature. This stresses your best coping tools for thriving through hardship.

• Observe your initial reaction to difficult situations.
• Notice if you seek help or prefer to manage challenges alone.
• Reflect on how you cope with stress, whether through activities or habits.
• Analyze past stressful events and how you resolved them.

Analyze Your Habits and Daily Routines

The personalized rituals and habits comprising your days offer an understanding of what you value and enjoy while revealing blindspots or stagnancy.

Journal for one week about your routine, noting emotions and energy levels associated with various activities.

For instance, you may notice feeling drained after scrolling social media or nourished from an evening walk. Consider which habits align with your goals and core self, and which distract or depress.

To shift trajectory, replace one less serving behavior a month with life-giving alternatives. Whether you yearn for more adventure, connection, or creativity, tweaking your routine creates space for your soul’s longing to unfold.

• Track how you spend your time from morning to night.
• Identify habits that positively or negatively impact your day.
• Consider routines that make you feel productive and those that drain you.
• Reflect on the consistency of your habits over time.

Observe the People You Naturally Connect With

Those you feel most seen, accepted, and energized around often reflect parts of yourself back, or share your values. Pay attention to friends and role models you admire, communities you keep returning to, and even historical figures or fictional archetypes you identify with.

For example, perhaps passionate creatives help you feel permission to play with self-expression. Or volunteers rekindle your care for service. What do you appreciate about their choices and way of being?

These connections shine light on who you are, what you care about, and how you wish to operate in the world. Notice too when people leave you feeling diminished, irritated, or drained. Finding your crowd supports you to keep showing up genuinely.

• Note common traits in friends or close acquaintances.
• Think about why you feel comfortable around certain people.
• Identify relationships that inspire or uplift you.
• Consider what shared interests or values bring you together.

Track Your Emotions in Various Situations

Tuning into your emotional responses helps clarify your boundaries, triggers, desires, and needs.

For one week, periodically check in with your emotional state, writing down contextual details.

For example: “Feeling anxious about upcoming trip because uncertainties overwhelm me.” Later ask: When do I most commonly feel anxious, angry, relaxed, or happy? Which people, places, or activities elicit specific emotional states?

Unpacking these patterns flags important inner wisdom for living more authentically. Perhaps you require more solitude, service opportunities, or creative expression. Start small by communicating needs to supportive friends.

As you increasingly act from this self-knowledge, expect to feel more grounded while navigating life’s complex terrain.

• Journal your feelings in response to different events.
• Notice patterns in your emotional reactions.
• Identify situations that trigger strong emotions, both positive and negative.
• Reflect on how these emotions influence your decisions.

Consider the Impact You Want to Make on Others

Clarifying your aspirations for contributing to others’ lives helps ensure you lean into your most meaningful roles. Quietly examine: If I could make a positive difference through my actions, what would that be?

Perhaps you yearn to advocate for social causes, empower youth, or create novelty. Consider when you feel best about yourself and most connected to life’s flow. What recurrent needs or longings emerge behind these peak moments?

By aligning impact goals with your core motivations, you amplify fulfillment.

If unclear on specifics, start generally by listing people in your life like family, neighborhood, or broader communities.

Then complete this sentence dozens of times, mining your imagination: “I want to help/uplift/empower/encourage ______ by _________.”

Over time, patterns reveal purpose. Revisit this when major decisions arise to stay aligned with your soul’s compass.

• Think about how you want to be remembered by friends and family.
• Identify actions you take to help or support others.
• Reflect on your desire to lead, follow, or collaborate.
• Consider the legacy you wish to leave behind.

Explore Your Passions and Long-Held Interests

Tuning into what energizes you independent of external validation reveals the contours of your inner world.

What activities so engage you that hours slip by unnoticed? When do you geek out researching esoteric details from pure fascination? What pastimes restore, relax, or expand you?

Use these clues to inform new education, volunteer work, hobbies, or travels.

For example, if enthralled by astronomy, join an amateur stargazing club. If politics gets your blood flowing, investigate activism opportunities. Follow threads of intrigue through books, podcasts, and in-person groups to connect with ‘your people.’

Embracing rather than denying enthusiasm, even if deemed weird or unproductive, allows more of your true colors to shine.

• List activities you’ve been drawn to since childhood.
• Identify what you would do even without external rewards.
• Reflect on interests that have remained constant over time.
• Consider how these passions shape your goals and aspirations.

Recognize the Traits You Admire in Others

The qualities you appreciate in role models often reflect untapped aspects of yourself worthy of nurturing.

Especially note admirations accompanied by wistfulness or the thought “I could never…” Take Joan, who greatly respects friends’ emotional vulnerability yet laments not feeling free to share openly herself. Here, Joan’s admiration signals an unmet longing for intimacy.

Or Alex, who envies his sister’s musical flair while assuming he got left out of such talents. In truth, Alex may simply need encouragement to try instruments until he discovers his medium.

Pay attention to recurring threads of aspiration. What you admire resides at least in seed form within you, awaiting patient cultivation to bloom.

• Identify qualities in others that you wish to develop in yourself.
• Think about role models and what you admire about them.
• Notice traits that attract you to certain people or personalities.
• Reflect on how you can cultivate these admired traits in your own life.

Notice What Triggers Your Deepest Emotions

Pinpointing your emotional fuse wires grants information for avoiding explosions or directing that intensity toward change. Periodically scan your mental-emotional landscape, noticing when feelings crescendo. Especially flag intense anger, sadness, anxiety, or shame.

Track associated triggers like stressful interactions, canceled plans, or familiar yet disempowering narratives.

Does intensity magnify when your character gets critiqued or contributions minimized? Do some friends regularly leave you feeling defeated? Does perfectionism, comparison, or scarcity/catastrophic thinking run you ragged?

Once aware of hot buttons, consciously replenish resources being depleted long-term by triggers. Learn to pause amid overwhelming feelings to access internal wisdom underneath stories spun. Create boundaries around people continually pressing buttons so your energy stays your own.

Use anger as fuel for positive action instead of blowing up or attacking others. While learning emotional regulation takes practice, a long fuse makes daily life far more enjoyable.

• Identify situations that make you feel intensely happy, sad, or angry.
• Reflect on memories that evoke strong emotional responses.
• Consider why certain events affect you more than others.
• Track how these emotional triggers influence your actions.

Examine Your Fears and What They Reveal About You

Since fears often guide behavior subconsciously, bringing them into your awareness grants additional choices. Note which worries recur, like rejection, unpredictability, criticism, or failure.

Then ask, how do these fears serve me or keep me safe? Perhaps hypervigilance protects against being caught unprepared or hiding your gifts prevents painful criticism.

Consider too — which core needs manifest as my greatest fears, like connection, respect, or security? Getting curious about the origins and functions of fears takes their power while illuminating your deepest priorities.

From here, create healthy strategies to meet those core requirements like surrounding yourself with a loving community or establishing firm boundaries.

As you compassionately examine fears arising from childhood programming or faulty beliefs, their volume softens, allowing you to take back the reins.

• Write down your top fears and anxieties.
• Reflect on how these fears influence your choices.
• Consider what your fears say about your values and priorities.
• Think about how you might overcome or address these fears.

Reflect on Past Decisions and Their Motivations

Reviewing pivotal past choices leading you here provides context for who you were and who you’re becoming.

What originally excited you about a current job or living situation? Were those early aspirations fulfilled or did disenchantment creep in over time? Did a past relationship nourish or slowly diminish you?

Similarly, consider the logic behind letting go of what once carried meaning — a previous career, friend group, or dream. Was this growth or settling due to fear?

Meditating on the emotional tones accompanying major decisions shows if they align with your core values and courage. Missteps or complacency become obvious, prodding your next evolution. Revisiting roads both taken and abandoned informs integrity moving ahead.

• Review significant decisions you’ve made in the last few years.
• Consider what influenced your choices at the time.
• Reflect on whether those decisions aligned with your values and goals.
• Analyze the outcomes and what you’ve learned from them.

Observe How You React to Criticism and Praise

Noticing your internal transaction with feedback teaches volumes about your self-esteem and triggers.

First, tune into your emotional state and self-talk when criticized, even constructively. Do you spiral into shame or hastily rationalize? Does it evoke early wounds of not feeling good enough? Observing rather than resisting this reaction with curiosity and care allows healing.

Second, pay attention to how praise lands which can be equally revealing. Do you deflect compliments, downgrade achievements or feel deeply moved? Internalizing positive feedback nourishes soul expansion yet requires rewriting old programs claiming otherwise.

By becoming fluent in your emotional responses to evaluation, you claim back your worth beyond fickle signals. Progress quickens when no longer hijacked by critiques or hungering for validation.

• Note your initial response to both positive and negative feedback.
• Reflect on how criticism affects your self-esteem and actions.
• Consider how you handle praise—whether with humility or pride.
• Identify patterns in your reactions to feedback over time.

Look at How You Spend Time and Money

Tracking where your hours and dollars go reveals much about your priorities.

Are resources invested in growth, leisure, or material comforts? Do you splurge on adventures, learning, or helping others? Or does money leak on stress relief like shopping, drinking, or zones of numbness?

Consider if current choices expand or contract your life. Where might small shifts better reflect your values?

For example, limiting social media frees up creative time, or swapping a possession for an experience might increase joy. Compare your actual expenditures to younger dreams.

Does reality match, exceed, or fall short of old fantasies? This birds-eye view of time and money flows shows where the life force is utilized. Make conscious recalibrations when needed to fund what matters most.

• Track your spending habits and identify where most of your money goes.
• Reflect on how you allocate your free time.
• Consider whether your spending aligns with your values and goals.
• Analyze if your time and money investments bring you satisfaction.

Recognize the Boundaries You Naturally Set

Observing when, how, and with whom you establish boundaries offers an understanding of your comfort zones and respect requirements.

Perhaps you easily discuss feelings with close friends but not virtual strangers. Or maybe you’re very private about spiritual beliefs while freely sharing parenting challenges.

Consider too if you articulate needs directly, subtly withdraw when overwhelmed, or fawn to avoid rocking boats. Who do you confront versus avoid when hurt?

Growing awareness of where you stand up, cling to please, or collapse reveals your baseline for feeling safe and respected. Use this intelligence to state limits more consistently without over-extending past bandwidth. Say no directly rather than resentfully accepting what you don’t want. Recognize healthy boundaries as an act of self-love, not selfishness.

• Identify situations where you feel the need to say no.
• Notice how you protect your time, energy, and resources.
• Reflect on relationships where you set clear boundaries.
• Consider how these boundaries shape your interactions with others.

Evaluate the Goals You Consistently Pursue

Your ambitions hint at undercurrent motivations, insecurities, and benchmarks for success. Do the same goals recur year after year — get fit, save money, find love, climb the career ladder, or manifest a creative project?

Such unwavering aspirations imply core cravings not yet satiated. Maybe financial targets provide comfort from poverty fears. Perhaps six-pack abs bolster sagging self-worth or that book already written in your head demands birthing.

Consider too if fixating on certain accomplishments rooted in envy, people pleasing, or conformity.

Once examining goal origins, tweak language if needed to serve your deepest growth. Then get radically honest about why you persist or self-sabotage. Addressing inner obstacles clears space for outward manifestation.

• Write down long-term goals you’ve set for yourself.
• Reflect on the progress you’ve made toward these goals.
• Consider why certain goals are more important to you than others.
• Analyze whether your goals align with your core values and passions.

Notice How You Describe Yourself to Others

The adjectives and roles used in introducing yourself indicate filters through which you view identity. But they rarely capture your entirety.

Try on alternate self-descriptions like curious soul, inner CEO, or lifelong learner and sense shifts. Play with language foregrounding beloved hobbies, values, and quirks instead of career status.

Notice if you inflate, hide, or devalue certain personality facets depending on the audience.

For example, emphasizing academic achievements around intellectuals or minimizing spirituality with skeptics. Becoming observant of self-labeling habits prevents getting stuck in identifying with narrow self-concepts.

Remember all snapshots are subjective. Who you are exists well beyond words.

• Pay attention to the words and phrases you use when introducing yourself.
• Reflect on whether your self-description matches how you see yourself.
• Consider how your self-image influences your interactions.
• Analyze the consistency of your self-description in different contexts.

Examine How You Define Success

Your parameters for achievement point to internal score-keeping systems established long ago. Society’s yardsticks include climbing ladders, making money, and acquiring possessions.

But do these external benchmarks leave you empty?

Consider when you last felt genuinely successful. Were soul measures like creativity, contribution, and connection central to that self-definition?

To develop more meaningful metrics, identify times when applauded publically yet dissatisfied inside. Then flip definitions from metrics like fame or superiority over peers to experiencing wholeness, self-expression, and nurturing community.

Expand imaginings of a life well lived beyond cliches. Perhaps inner riches like laughter, learning, and loving become central. Lifting outdated constraints makes space for fulfillment to fill whatever form uniquely suits you.

• Write down your personal definition of success.
• Reflect on whether this definition has changed over time.
• Consider how your definition of success influences your decisions.
• Analyze whether your definition is influenced by external factors or internal values.

Reflect on What You Forgive Easily

That which evokes compassion says much about your secret pains now transformed into wisdom. Like the reformed alcoholic more understanding of public drunkenness or former people-pleaser less judgmental of codependent tendencies. Areas where you extend quick mercy suggest hard-won life lessons or soul themes being refined.

Make a list of slip-ups eliciting grace rather than condemnation. Do you easily pardon social faux pas, since painfully shy yourself? Or patiently handles others’ mental disorganization familiar with absent-mindedness.

Consider what mistakes remain unforgiven, indicating lingering inner judgments. Then imagine greeting your future self, established host to the same foibles, with similar kindness.

• Identify situations where you find it easy to forgive.
• Reflect on why you are more forgiving in certain contexts.
• Consider how forgiveness affects your relationships.
• Analyze how your approach to forgiveness shapes your overall outlook on life.

Think About How You Talk About Others When They’re Not Around

Your speech about acquaintances when alone reveals shadows ripe for self-reflection. Dropping pretenses permits judgment, jealousy, praise, or compassion to surface.

Yet those quick to criticize reveal self-improvement areas. Words flowing easily from our lips about others’ may reflect aspects underdeveloped within self needing gentle attention.

Alternatively, resonant admiration towards someone’s way of being indicates awakening, longing, or established traits ready to share forward. Notice if your thoughts snarled in a complaint or danced with inspiration. Condemning speech, however, deserved, dims your light.

But by sharing appreciation, you shine as a torch, shimmering with contagious joy.

• Notice the tone and language you use when discussing others.
• Reflect on whether your comments align with your values.
• Consider how your words impact your relationships.
• Analyze if you speak positively or negatively and what that says about you.

Conclusion

How do I find out who I am? Realize the transformation of self-discovery continues across a span of years, and even a lifetime. 

Determining who you really are at your core takes courage, self-awareness, and the commitment to live aligned with your deepest truths once uncovered.

While the path requires showing up genuinely even when uncomfortable, the payoff is immense — the freedom, joy, and sense of meaning that comes from knowing yourself deeply so you can walk proudly in your own shoes.

Your soul is ready for you…are you ready to heed its call home?

FAQs

How can external influences affect your sense of self?

External influences like societal expectations and others’ opinions can shape your beliefs and behaviors, sometimes leading you away from your true self. Over time, this can cause confusion about your identity. Being aware of these influences and choosing which to internalize helps maintain an authentic sense of self.

What role does self-reflection play in discovering who you are?

Self-reflection allows you to evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions, helping you connect with your true desires and values. Regular self-reflection helps peel back external influences, leading to a clearer understanding of who you are.

How can you start the journey of finding out who you really are?

Begin by setting aside time for introspection, whether through journaling, meditation, or quiet contemplation. Ask yourself what truly makes you happy and what your values are. Trying new experiences can also reveal hidden aspects of your personality.

What are some practical tips to help you discover your true self?

Embrace self-awareness by noticing what energizes or drains you. Engage in activities aligned with your passions and values, and practice mindfulness to stay connected with your present self. Surround yourself with supportive people and set boundaries to protect your individuality.

What role do values and beliefs play in understanding your identity?

Values and beliefs guide your decisions and actions, shaping your identity. When your actions reflect your values, you experience fulfillment and purpose. Clarifying your values helps you understand your true identity and what matters most to you.

Is it normal to feel lost about your identity at certain life stages?

Yes, it’s normal to feel lost during major life transitions. These periods often require re-evaluating your identity, which can be unsettling but also an opportunity for growth. Embrace these moments as chances to redefine who you are.

What should you do if you feel stuck in your self-discovery journey?

If you feel stuck, pause and reassess. Sometimes stepping away from intense introspection can provide fresh perspectives. Seeking guidance from a mentor or therapist can also help you gain clarity. Remember, self-discovery is a lifelong journey—there’s no rush.