25 Common Habits That Make You Look Insecure (And What Confident People Do Instead)

Some people walk into a room and instantly command respect. Others might as well wear a “kick me” sign. Weird how that works, right?

The harsh truth? It’s not magic – it’s your habits. Those tiny behaviors you don’t even notice are probably screaming “I’m insecure!” to everyone around you.

You know the classics: that awkward laugh when sharing an opinion, or desperately explaining why you deserve recognition. These unconscious signals are killing your credibility.

Good news though – you can flip these habits around. Once you spot these confidence-killers, you can transform how people see you (and how you see yourself).

Time to ditch those insecure behaviors and learn what actually works. Because honestly, wouldn’t you rather be the person others notice for all the right reasons?

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Key Takeaways

Apologizing excessively and unnecessarily versus confidently acknowledging mistakes without over-explaining or diminishing your worth.
Avoiding eye contact versus using the triangle technique and 70/30 rule to maintain appropriate, engaged eye contact during conversations.
Constantly seeking validation before making decisions versus instituting a 24-hour “waiting period” before requesting external input.
Using excessive filler words and hurried speech versus practicing deliberate pauses and clear pronunciation of final consonants.
Downplaying accomplishments when receiving compliments versus responding with a simple “thank you” without qualifiers.

Constantly seeking approval from others

Before asking for validation, institute a personal “waiting period” – sit with your decision or creation for 24 hours before seeking external input.

Practice making small decisions without consulting others first, gradually working up to bigger ones as your confidence grows.
When receiving compliments, simply say “thank you” instead of deflecting or fishing for more praise.
Keep a “wins journal” where you record accomplishments and positive outcomes that came from trusting your judgment, creating evidence of your capability that you can review when doubt creeps in.
Use powerful statements daily to reinforce your self-worth rather than waiting for others to validate your choices.

Overexplaining simple decisions you make

* Ask yourself: “Would I expect someone else to explain this decision?”

Confident people focus on self-assured actions rather than seeking others’ approval.

If not, you probably don’t need to either.

– When you catch yourself midway through an unnecessary explanation, try a gentle course-correction like “Actually, that’s my preference and I’m sticking with it” with a smile.

Avoiding eye contact during conversations

Practice the “triangle technique” by looking at one eye, then the other, then at the person’s nose or mouth, rotating every few seconds to avoid the awkward stare-down while still appearing engaged.

Start with brief eye contact in low-stress situations like ordering coffee or chatting with neighbors before tackling more challenging conversations.
If direct eye contact feels overwhelming, focus on the space between the person’s eyebrows—they won’t notice the difference but you’ll appear more confident.
Remember the 70/30 rule—maintain eye contact about 70% of the time while speaking and 90% while listening, which allows natural breaks without appearing disengaged.

Making gradual confidence choices through increasingly challenging eye contact scenarios helps build lasting self-assurance.

Apologizing excessively for small things

Replace automatic apologies with expressions of gratitude when appropriate—instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thank you for your patience.”

Practice pausing before speaking to catch yourself before an unnecessary “sorry” slips out—that brief moment gives you control over your communication habits.
Keep a tally of how many times you apologize in a day to increase awareness; many people are shocked to discover they apologize dozens of times without cause.
Distinguish between empathy and apology—you can acknowledge someone’s feelings or a difficult situation without assuming blame with phrases like “That sounds challenging” instead of “I’m sorry that happened.”
Confident individuals understand that over-apologizing diminishes their personal power and choose to take ownership of their actions instead.

Speaking too quietly or with hesitation

Practice power posture before important conversations—stand tall with shoulders back for two minutes, which scientifically boosts confidence hormones and will affect how you sound.

Eliminate filler words by pausing instead—silence is actually perceived as thoughtfulness, not awkwardness as many fear.
Join a local Toastmasters group or similar speaking club where you can practice speaking with volume and authority in a supportive environment.
Record yourself speaking during everyday phone calls, then make adjustments—often we’ve no idea how we actually sound until we hear it played back.

Start your day with morning confidence rituals to establish a strong speaking voice that carries throughout your interactions.

Laughing nervously even when not amused

Practice mindful breathing when you feel nervous laughter coming on—inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for six to reset your nervous system.

Rehearse confident responses to uncomfortable situations so you’re not caught off-guard (like “I need a moment to contemplate that” or “I appreciate your perspective”).
Record yourself during practice conversations to become aware of your nervous laughter triggers and work specifically on those scenarios.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel secure enough to express genuine reactions rather than defaulting to people-pleasing responses like inappropriate laughter.

Cultivating positive self-talk throughout your day helps replace nervous laughter with authentic confidence.

Checking your phone to avoid interaction

Practice the “pocket pat” technique—touch your pocket to confirm your phone is there, then leave it alone, reminding yourself that nothing urgent requires your attention right now.

Set your phone to Do Not Disturb mode during social events, removing the temptation of incoming notifications that weren’t actually important in the first place.

Establish a purpose before pulling out your phone—if you can’t identify a specific reason beyond “avoiding this moment,” keep it tucked away.

Create a personal challenge to initiate at least one conversation before allowing yourself phone time, turning the reward system on its head and building your confidence with each interaction.

Developing natural confidence habits starts with being fully present and engaged in your surroundings rather than hiding behind your screen.

Overusing filler words like “um” or “like”

Record a typical conversation and count how many filler words you use in five minutes—this concrete number often motivates immediate improvement.

Practice pausing deliberately when you’d normally say “um” or “like”—it might feel uncomfortable at first, but those pauses sound confident to listeners.
Join a speaking group like Toastmasters where members gently flag filler words during your speeches, creating real-time awareness.
Prepare key points before important conversations so you’re not searching for words, which typically triggers the filler habit when your brain needs processing time.

Truly confident people maintain private speaking practices even when nobody is watching to build authentic communication habits.

Bragging subtly to gain validation

Replace validation-seeking with genuine curiosity about others—ask questions and listen twice as much as you speak.

When sharing accomplishments, do so in relevant contexts and acknowledge the support or luck that contributed to your success.
Practice accepting compliments with a simple “thank you” rather than diminishing your achievement or immediately returning the compliment.
Build internal validation habits through journaling your wins privately instead of announcing them publicly—celebrate yourself first.

True inner confidence eliminates the compulsive need to prove your worth to others.

Downplaying your accomplishments often

Practice the art of simply saying “thank you” when receiving compliments, without adding qualifiers that diminish your contribution or success.

Keep a “wins journal” where you document your accomplishments, both big and small, to build awareness of your genuine capabilities.
Distinguish between facts and feelings—”I led that project to completion” is a fact, while “I don’t deserve credit” is a feeling that may not reflect reality.
Before important meetings or social events, remind yourself of three specific achievements you’re proud of to prime yourself for confident, accurate self-representation.

Regular self-assessment exercises help you develop a more accurate view of your abilities and achievements.

Mirroring others too eagerly or quickly

Practice delayed adoption—if you find someone’s phrase or mannerism appealing, mentally bookmark it and wait at least a week before incorporating it, ensuring it truly fits your personality.

Before meetings or social gatherings, remind yourself of three core values or personal traits that define you, reinforcing your own identity before interacting with strong personalities.
When you notice yourself mirroring someone, pause and ask: “Am I doing this out of genuine appreciation or from insecurity?” This moment of self-awareness creates space for more authentic choices.
Focus on complementary rather than copycat behaviors—if someone has a bold, assertive style, you might contribute your thoughtful analysis rather than trying to match their assertiveness with an imitation.

Maintaining quiet self-assurance helps distinguish genuine confidence from attempts to prove yourself through imitation.

Repeating yourself to be understood

Pause after making your point to give others time to process what you’ve said—those few seconds of silence aren’t awkward, they’re necessary for genuine understanding.

If clarification seems needed, ask “Does that make sense?” rather than launching into the exact same explanation again.
Practice being concise from the start—often repetition happens because we ramble the first time and then try to clean up our mess with more words.
When you catch yourself about to repeat something, take a deep breath instead and mentally acknowledge that your words were sufficient—this small moment of restraint builds confidence muscles over time.

Developing self-assured communication habits helps establish your presence as someone who speaks with purpose and authority.

Asking if you’re being annoying too much

Pay attention to reciprocity—if the other person is matching your energy, asking follow-up questions, and maintaining eye contact, they’re likely engaged and not annoyed.

Practice self-validation by reminding yourself that you have value to bring to interactions without needing constant external confirmation.
Replace the “am I annoying you” question with mindful presence—focus on listening actively and responding thoughtfully rather than worrying about how you’re being perceived.
If you genuinely need feedback about your communication style, schedule a separate conversation for that purpose rather than disrupting current interactions with insecurity checks.

Constantly seeking reassurance about being annoying is one of the key red flags that indicates false confidence rather than genuine self-assurance.

Being overly defensive in conversations

Notice your physical reactions to criticism (racing heart, flushed face, crossed arms) as early warning signals that your defensive mode is activating.

Adopt the three-second rule: after someone offers feedback, silently count to three before responding, which prevents knee-jerk defensive reactions.
Distinguish between your actions and your identity—when someone critiques something you did, they’re rarely attacking who you’re as a person.

Confident people understand that mastering awkward moments comes from staying calm and collected rather than rushing to defend themselves.

Avoiding confrontation at all costs

Practice the art of timely addressing: Address issues when they’re small molehills rather than waiting until they’ve grown into emotional mountains that trigger explosive reactions.

Recognize the difference between productive confrontation and unnecessary conflict—not every annoyance requires a conversation, but recurring problems or boundary violations absolutely do.

Prepare what you’ll say beforehand for important conversations, maybe even writing down key points to help you stay focused when emotions rise.

Start viewing healthy confrontation as an act of authenticity and self-respect rather than something to fear—the momentary discomfort of speaking up is almost always less painful than the long-term resentment of staying silent.

Building social confidence through positive confrontation helps create stronger, more authentic relationships with others.

Taking things too personally or emotionally

* Develop a mental filing system for feedback: sort comments into “helpful for growth” versus “irrelevant to my worth.”

This prevents you from treating every critique as a referendum on your value.

– Build a “perspective playlist”—mentally review past instances where you overreacted and later realized the situation wasn’t personal.

Recalling these moments helps calibrate your emotional responses to future triggers.

Seeking constant reassurance or clarity

Keep a “reassurance journal” where you write down your questions instead of immediately asking them—you’ll often find the answer becomes obvious or the question unnecessary after a short wait.

Establish a personal “ask rule”—limit yourself to asking for clarification once per conversation, forcing you to prioritize what’s truly important to understand.
Practice “completion statements” instead of question marks, saying things like “I understand we’re meeting at 2pm” rather than “We’re meeting at 2pm, right? Are you sure?”
When you feel the urge to seek reassurance, pause and ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t get confirmation right now?” – this often reveals the fear is much bigger than the reality.

Hesitating before making small choices

Explanation:

When you agonize over tiny decisions like which coffee to order or what shirt to wear, you’re broadcasting insecurity to everyone around you. That painful “umm” while scanning a menu for five minutes isn’t just annoying the server—it’s signaling to others that you don’t trust your own judgment.

This hesitation habit seems innocent enough, but it screams, “I’m terrified of making the wrong choice!” Even when the stakes couldn’t possibly be lower. Your inability to commit to trivial decisions makes people wonder if you can handle anything important, and honestly, they might start excluding you from situations where decisive action matters.

What To Do Instead

Remember that most small choices simply don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Will choosing the chicken sandwich over the burger dramatically alter your life path? Nope. Start practicing decisive behavior by giving yourself time limits—10 seconds for minor decisions, not 10 minutes.

When you feel that familiar paralysis setting in, remind yourself that making a “wrong” small decision has virtually no consequences. The confidence you project when you say “I’ll have the turkey club” without hemming and hawing creates a ripple effect, building your decision-making muscles for when genuinely important choices come along. The goal isn’t perfect decisions—it’s comfortable, efficient choices that don’t drain everyone’s energy, including yours.

Set a personal “decision timer” of 5-10 seconds for everyday choices, and stick to your first reasonable instinct rather than second-guessing yourself
Practice the “two options only” technique—narrow any choice down to just two possibilities, then immediately pick one without deliberating further
Remind yourself regularly that perfection is impossible, and that most daily decisions are reversible or have minimal consequences anyway
Start a “decision journal” tracking which small choices you obsessed over and whether the outcome actually mattered a week later (spoiler: it rarely does)

Holding your body inwards or shrinking

Practice the “superhero pose” before stressful situations—stand with feet shoulder-width apart, hands on hips, chin slightly raised for two minutes when nobody’s watching to boost confidence hormones.

Set phone reminders throughout the day to check your posture—uncross arms, relax shoulders down and back, and take a deep breath.
Invest in a posture-correcting device or simply place a small cushion behind your lower back when sitting to encourage proper alignment.
Visualize yourself as taking up exactly the right amount of space—not excessive, but also not apologetic—and notice how differently people respond to you when you carry yourself with quiet dignity.

Talking too fast as if rushing to finish

When nervous, focus on pronouncing the final consonant of each word clearly—this natural technique automatically slows your speech without making it sound unnatural.

Breathe from your diaphragm rather than your chest—shallow breathing contributes to anxious, rapid speech patterns, while deeper breathing supports a more measured, confident delivery.

Making jokes at your own expense often

Notice your patterns—keep track of how often you make yourself the punchline in conversations, and question whether it’s becoming a defensive mechanism rather than genuine humor.

Practice pausing before making self-deprecating comments, giving yourself a moment to redirect to humor that doesn’t require putting yourself down.
Develop alternative humor approaches that showcase your wit without targeting yourself, like observational humor or lighthearted stories that don’t center on your flaws.
When receiving compliments, train yourself to simply say “thank you” instead of immediately countering with a joke that diminishes the praise or your worthiness of it.

Comparing yourself to others out loud

Notice your comparative triggers—certain people, situations, or topics that regularly make you feel “less than”—and prepare mental redirects before entering those scenarios.

Practice giving genuine compliments without tacking on self-deprecation—”That was an excellent report” stands perfectly fine without “…mine was terrible” at the end.
Create a personal achievements journal where you track your own progress, giving yourself concrete evidence of growth to focus on instead of others’ journeys.
When caught in the comparison trap, ask yourself: “What specific quality am I admiring here, and how might I develop that in my own authentic way?”

This changes envy into inspiration.

Frequently changing your opinion to fit in

Before entering social situations, mentally review your actual positions on common topics so you’re less likely to be swayed in the moment.

Practice the phrase “I see it differently” followed by a brief, non-apologetic explanation of your perspective.
When you genuinely don’t have an opinion on something, it’s perfectly fine to say “I haven’t formed a strong opinion on that yet” instead of manufacturing one.
Notice when you’re tempted to change your stance and use it as information about your insecurities—these moments can guide personal growth if you pay attention to the underlying fear driving the behavior.

Conclusion

You’re way more badass than you give yourself credit for. Stop walking on eggshells with constant “sorry’s” and rambling explanations. Nobody needs your self-roasting routine either.

Just be direct. Stand up straight, say what you mean, and stick to your guns. Guess what? Confident people aren’t perfect – they just don’t waste time pretending to be.

Catch yourself doing that insecure stuff? Just stop. Seriously. The most confident folks aren’t putting on some elaborate show of confidence. They’re too busy actually doing their thing and being real.

Bottom line: Own who you are – awkward bits and all. It’s not rocket science.