15 Signs You’re Living Someone Else’s Life Instead of Your Own

Are you actually living your own life?

Let’s talk about a harsh, inconvenient truth: a lot of us are out here, living lives that aren’t even ours. We’re not talking about some Hollywood sci-fi movie where you’ve switched bodies with your high school gym teacher or got stuck in the Matrix (though wouldn’t that be fun?).

No, we’re talking about something much more insidious and mundane — living someone else’s dream, following someone else’s plan, and generally ticking off someone else’s life goals as if they were your own.

It’s like showing up to a party in the wrong costume or attire. The vibes are weird, you’re uncomfortable, and yet you’re too polite to leave. So, you just stick around, awkwardly sipping punch, hoping nobody notices.

But the problem is: people notice. You notice. Deep down, you know. So let’s get honest and look at the signs you’re living someone else’s life instead of your own by playing second fiddle in the orchestra of your own existence.

The Slow, Soul-Crushing Realization You’ve Been Scripting Someone Else’s Life

You ever get that feeling? That creeping sense of existential dread that maybe, just maybe, the life you’re living isn’t even yours? It’s the kind of existential itch that no amount of Netflix binges, overpriced avocado toast, or retail therapy can scratch.

You’re standing there, watching yourself make choices, but something feels off. Like when you’re trying to buy an outfit online and it looks perfect on the model, but you put it on and… no. Just no.

You’re making decisions — big ones, small ones, and the awkward in-between ones (like deciding whether to wave at your neighbor or pretend you didn’t see them).

But who are these decisions really for? Your parents? Society? The Instagram algorithm? Some invisible scriptwriter pulling the strings in your so-called “life”?

That’s what we’re about to unpack. Get comfy. It’s time for a reality check.

15 Signs You’re Living Someone Else’s Life Instead of Your Own

Alright, let’s not sugarcoat it. The signs that you’re living someone else’s life aren’t exactly subtle. They’re like those glaringly obvious red flags in a toxic relationship that you pretend not to see — until you can’t ignore them anymore.

The problem is, we get really good at convincing ourselves everything is fine, telling ourselves “this is just how life works.” But it’s not.

If you’ve ever had that nagging feeling that something’s off, like you’re reading from a script that doesn’t quite fit, then congratulations — you’re on the brink of a major life revelation.

Here are 15 signs you’re living someone else’s life instead of your own.

1. Your Life Feels Like a Never-Ending To-Do List — And None of It is Fun

Remember when you were younger and imagined your grown-up life would be exciting? You know, with spontaneous trips, passion projects, and a career that made your soul sing? Yeah, and now you’re here. You’ve got a planner stuffed with reminders, deadlines, meetings, and responsibilities you never even wanted. 

But they keep piling on because that’s what you think you’re supposed to be doing, right? You might feel a strange sense of achievement ticking off boxes, but let’s be real: you’re not happy. It’s all work, no play, and somehow, you’ve become a personal assistant to your own existence.

It’s time to ask yourself whose goals you’re actually working toward. Your own, or some warped version of what you think “success” should look like according to… well, whoever’s controlling the puppet strings in this scenario?

• Every day feels like you’re chasing tasks, not dreams. Sure, you’re productive, but are you happy?
• You live for the weekend, but when it comes, it’s just more chores, errands, and commitments that weren’t even your idea.
• The things you used to enjoy, like hobbies or downtime, are now buried under obligations you didn’t choose.
• You’ve confused busyness with purpose, but deep down, you know they’re not the same thing.

2. You’ve Got the “Perfect” Life — But You’re Miserable

Congratulations! You’ve achieved the dream. The job, the partner, the house, maybe even the Instagram-worthy pet that gets more likes than your selfies.

But here’s the kicker: you’re not even remotely happy. In fact, some days you feel like you’re playing a role in a soap opera, performing for an invisible audience that never claps. The outside looks perfect, but inside you’re one missed coffee away from a full-blown identity crisis.

If you feel like you’re trapped in a life that should make you happy but doesn’t: you’re probably living someone else’s version of “the dream.”

• On paper, everything looks amazing: the career, the relationship, the lifestyle. But inside, you feel completely disconnected.
• You wonder why all the things you were told would make you happy have actually left you feeling empty.
• People often tell you how “lucky” you are, which just makes you feel worse because you don’t feel lucky — you feel trapped.
• You’ve hit all the milestones others say you should, but none of them feel like they belong to you.

3. You Say “Yes” to Things You Actually Hate

Let me guess: you’re a people pleaser. It’s okay, you can admit it — we’ve all been there.

But here’s the deal: when you say “yes” to things that don’t align with your values or desires, you’re essentially handing over the keys to your life. You’re becoming a co-star in someone else’s production, following a script you didn’t even write.

So if you’re spending your weekends at events you despise, agreeing to projects that drain your energy, or maintaining relationships that are slowly sucking the life out of you — yeah, you’re probably not living your own life. You’re just filling someone else’s.

• Your knee-jerk reaction to any request is “yes,” even when your soul is screaming “NO.”
• You find yourself doing things you despise just to avoid the discomfort of saying no.
• You’re more afraid of disappointing others than you are of disappointing yourself — and guess what? You are disappointing yourself.
• You stay in relationships, jobs, or situations because you fear the backlash of walking away.

4. You Constantly Compare Your Life to Others

If you’ve ever opened Instagram and felt like your life is a dollar-store knockoff compared to the filtered “perfection” on your feed, then you’re knee-deep in someone else’s life.

Instead of following your own path, you’re constantly scanning others’ lives to see how you measure up. You’re never going to feel good enough this way.

Here’s a tip: when you’re busy living your life, comparison is almost nonexistent.

But when you’re living a life that doesn’t even belong to you, it’s hard to shake the feeling that someone else is always doing it better.

• You spend more time scrolling social media comparing your life to curated highlights than living your own.
• Your self-worth fluctuates based on how you think you stack up against everyone else.
• You set goals that aren’t even your own — they’re based on what you think you should be doing because “everyone else” is doing it.
• You have a nagging feeling that you’ll never be “enough” because someone, somewhere, is always doing it better.

5. You Feel Disconnected From Your Own Decisions

Ever made a decision and then felt completely detached from it, like you were watching yourself from the outside, shouting, “What are you doing?!” Yeah, that’s a major red flag. It’s like being in the passenger seat of your own life, watching as someone else drives off in the direction of their dreams while you’re strapped in for the ride.

If your choices don’t feel yours — from the career path you’ve chosen to the hobbies you pretend to enjoy — it’s time to ask yourself: who exactly is in control here?

• You make decisions out of habit, obligation, or what you think others expect, not because you genuinely want to.
• There’s a sense of numbness when you choose something, like you’re just going through the motions.
• You second-guess nearly every choice because you’re not really sure if it’s yours.
• It’s like watching your life from the outside, wondering who’s really in the driver’s seat.

6. Your Dreams Feel Like They’re on Hold — Indefinitely

How many times have you told yourself, “I’ll do that one day,” only to find that day never comes? You’ve got a mental shelf stocked with dusty dreams that haven’t seen the light of day in years. Maybe you wanted to start a business, travel the world, or just take up painting. But here you are, stuck in a cycle of postponing everything that excites you for the sake of keeping someone else’s vision of “practicality” alive.

Living someone else’s life often means burying your dreams under the weight of obligation. So if you’ve been putting off the things that make your heart race, ask yourself: is it because they’re not “practical,” or because they’re not part of someone else’s plan for you?

• You’ve got a list of things you say you’ll do “one day,” but that day never seems to come.
• Your true passions and dreams are sitting on a dusty shelf while you prioritize everyone else’s needs and expectations.
• You keep waiting for the “right time” to go after what you want, but spoiler: the right time never shows up.
• You’ve gotten so used to putting off your dreams that you almost forget what they are.

7. You’ve Lost Track of What Makes You Happy

Quick question: When was the last time you did something that genuinely made you happy? No, not “satisfied” or “relieved” or “less stressed,” but happy — like, smile-for-no-reason, sing-in-the-shower, completely-lose-track-of-time happy. If you’re drawing a blank or the only answer that comes to mind is “I don’t know,” then you’ve got a problem.

Living someone else’s life means you’re too busy checking off boxes that other people put on your list to even notice what brings you joy. Your internal compass is spinning like a drunk teenager at a carnival ride, and happiness? That’s not even on the map.

• You can’t even remember the last time you did something that made you genuinely happy — like, smile-without-trying happy.
• Your days are filled with things you have to do, not things you want to do, and it’s slowly killing your joy.
• You keep chasing what you think should make you happy, but when you get there, it’s always a letdown.
• Your hobbies have become chores, your passions have become work, and your happiness feels like a distant memory.

8. You Avoid Confrontation

Look, I get it. Nobody loves confrontation (except maybe that one guy on your Facebook feed who argues with everyone, but we’ll leave him out of this).

But when you’re so terrified of conflict that you’d rather nod along and fake a smile than express your true feelings, it’s not simply avoidance — it’s surrender.

You’re giving up your right to have opinions, desires, and boundaries in order to keep the peace. Sure, you might avoid a few awkward moments, but in return, you get a lifetime of silent resentment and the growing suspicion that the world is treating you like a doormat.

If you’re afraid of rocking the boat, you’re probably in someone else’s boat.

• You avoid tough conversations and difficult situations because you’d rather maintain the illusion of peace than deal with the fallout.
• You’d rather swallow your own discomfort than risk making anyone else uncomfortable, even if it means sacrificing your own needs.
• You find yourself saying “it’s fine” when it’s absolutely, definitely not fine.
• You think avoiding conflict keeps relationships smooth, but in reality, it’s just pushing your own needs further down the priority list.

9. You Feel Like a Fraud in Your Own Life

Imposter syndrome isn’t strictly for the workplace, my friend. You can feel like a total fraud in your own life when the one you’re living doesn’t line up with who you really are.

You might be sitting there with all the external markers of success — the job title, the social circle, the LinkedIn endorsements (if you’re into that sort of thing) — but inside, you’re thinking, “Who is this person and how did I get here?” If you constantly feel like you’re pretending, it’s a clear sign that you’re acting out someone else’s script. And spoiler alert: the role doesn’t suit you.

• You’ve got all the trappings of success, but deep down, you feel like an imposter, like you don’t really belong in your own life.
• You keep waiting for the moment when someone’s going to “find out” you’re not who they think you are.
• You act like you’ve got it all together, but inside, you’re unraveling — and it’s exhausting.
• The gap between who you are and who you’re pretending to be is widening, and it’s getting harder to maintain the facade.

10. Your Values Don’t Align With Your Actions

You say you value honesty, but you lie to keep up appearances. You value creativity, but you’re stuck in a soul-crushing corporate job that demands 9-to-5 compliance. You value freedom, but your life is a routine so rigid you could set a clock by it.

When there’s a gap between what you say matters to you and what you’re actually doing, it’s not cognitive dissonance — it’s an identity crisis in the making.

And you know who loves to create identity crises? The “creators” of someone else’s life plan.

• You claim to value things like creativity, honesty, or freedom, but your day-to-day actions tell a very different story.
• You often feel like you’re betraying yourself by making choices that go against your core beliefs, just to fit in or avoid friction.
• You’re living a life that’s designed to look good from the outside, but it doesn’t feel good on the inside.
• When you stop and think about it, you can’t remember the last time your decisions actually lined up with your real values.

11. Your Goals Feel… Off

You may have set a goal before and then immediately wondered, “Wait, do I even want this?” You might be chasing after something that looks good on paper but feels completely wrong in your gut.

Whether it’s the pressure to climb the corporate ladder, have a Pinterest-worthy wedding, or buy the big house in the suburbs, if your goals don’t spark some real excitement, they probably belong to someone else.

You’re just running someone else’s race, which would explain why every step feels like it’s being taken in cement shoes.

• You set goals based on what you think you should want, not what you actually want.
• The closer you get to achieving those goals, the more uneasy and disconnected you feel.
• Your goals look great to everyone else, but for you, they’re just another item on a never-ending checklist.
• You’re not chasing what excites you — you’re chasing what will make others approve of you.

12. You’ve Become the Master of Excuses

If your life were a sitcom, your catchphrase would be “I’ll get to that… eventually.” Living someone else’s life often comes with a lot of avoidance. You’re too busy fulfilling obligations or meeting expectations to ever get around to what you want. So you push things off: “I’ll start writing my novel next year,” or “I’ll travel once things settle down.” They’re not going to settle down. This is it.

If you’re constantly putting your dreams on the back burner because you’re consumed by stuff that doesn’t even matter to you, that’s a giant neon sign flashing “NOT YOUR LIFE” in all caps.

• You’ve got a backlog of dreams that are perpetually on hold because you always have an excuse ready.
• You keep telling yourself, “I’ll get to that when I have more time/money/energy,” but it never happens.
• You’re afraid of taking risks, so you create convenient reasons why it’s just not the right time.
• You’re stuck in a loop of self-sabotage, where excuses keep you safe — but also keep you stuck.

13. You’re Always Seeking Validation

If you need constant reassurance from others to feel like you’re on the right track, guess what? You’re probably not on your track at all. Living someone else’s life means you’re never quite sure of your own choices because, deep down, they aren’t yours to begin with. You end up relying on others to tell you what’s good, bad, or worth doing.

It’s like giving up your GPS and letting random strangers direct you. And let’s be honest, would you let a stranger tell you how to drive home? No? Then why are you letting them tell you how to live?

• You rely on others to tell you if your choices are good or bad because you don’t trust your own judgment anymore.
• You obsess over likes, comments, and approval from others as if their opinions determine your worth.
• You don’t make decisions until you’ve polled everyone in your life, and their opinions often outweigh your own desires.
• When you finally get the validation you crave, it feels hollow — because deep down, you know you’re not living authentically.

14. You’re Always “Too Busy” for Self-Reflection

Living someone else’s life often comes with a side of chronic busyness. You’re rushing from task to task, meeting to meeting, commitment to commitment.

Who has time to sit quietly and think about what they actually want? Not you! You’re busy living someone else’s to-do list, after all.

But here’s the catch: the more you avoid reflection, the further you drift from yourself. 

• You fill your schedule to the brim so you don’t have time to sit and think about whether you’re actually happy.
• Being constantly busy feels like a badge of honor, but it’s really just a way to avoid facing the truth.
• The thought of self-reflection scares you because you’re afraid of what you’ll find.
• You tell yourself that “someday” you’ll slow down and figure it all out, but that day never comes.

15. You Don’t Recognize Yourself Anymore

Remember the younger version of you, the one with big dreams and zero tolerance for nonsense? Yeah, they’re probably sitting in a dark corner of your mind, arms crossed, rolling their eyes at the life you’ve ended up with. If you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back, it’s because you’ve drifted far from the path you were meant to be on.

It’s similar to wearing someone else’s clothes — they might fit, but they don’t feel right.

• You look in the mirror and feel disconnected from the person staring back at you.
• The person you’ve become is a far cry from the one you imagined you’d be, and that realization stings.
• You’ve been wearing so many masks for so long that you don’t even know which one is the real you anymore.
• You’re stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like yours, and the scariest part? You’re not sure how to get back to who you really are.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Life, One Hard Truth at a Time

So, what now? Now that we’ve gone through 15 signs that you’re living someone else’s life, it’s time for the hard part: doing something about it. Look, we all get off track sometimes. Society, family, friends — they all have opinions on how we should live.

But if you keep letting those voices drown out your own, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’ve been a background actor in the story of your life.

Reclaiming your life doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not as simple as booking a spontaneous trip to Bali or quitting your job to become a professional dream-chaser (though if that’s what you want, more power to you).

It starts with self-awareness, with getting real about what you want, and letting go of the need to please everyone else. It’s making choices that align with your true self, even if they make people uncomfortable.

The bottom line is this: you deserve to live a life that feels like yours. Not your parents’, not society’s, and definitely not Instagram’s.

So stop waiting for permission, stop waiting for the “right time,” and start living like the main character you were always meant to be.

Ready to start living your life?

If reading this article has you mustering some courage and thinking about reclaiming your life, learning new skills might be a great first step.

Whether you want to dive into creative writing, start your own business, or find your passion, Skillshare has tons of courses that can help you break out of the mold and start living on your own terms.

Also, check out our book recommendations for personal growth and self-discovery. Whether it’s about finding your true purpose or figuring out how to set boundaries, these reads will help you start living your best life.

FAQs:

1. What are the common signs you’re living someone else’s life instead of your own?

Some of the most obvious signs include feeling unfulfilled despite outward success, always saying yes to things you hate, constantly comparing yourself to others, and feeling disconnected from your decisions.

2. Why do people end up living someone else’s life?

This can happen for many reasons — pressure from family, societal expectations, or even fear of failure. It’s easy to follow a path that seems “safe” or “normal” without questioning whether it’s right for you.

3. How can I stop living someone else’s life and start living my own?

It starts with self-awareness. You need to reflect on what actually makes you happy, what values align with your actions, and start making decisions that honor your true self. Small, intentional steps toward your own goals can help shift you onto the right path.

4. Is it normal to feel guilty when trying to live your own life?

Absolutely. Guilt often comes from breaking away from other people’s expectations. But remember, living your life for yourself isn’t selfish — it’s essential for your happiness and well-being.

5. What’s the biggest sign I’m living someone else’s life?

The biggest giveaway is a deep sense of dissatisfaction or disconnection, even if everything looks “perfect” on the outside. If your life feels like a performance, it’s probably time to rewrite the script.